Going within and meeting a mumbly old man
When I left the corporate cube to start my own business, I didn’t realise that the challenges and rewards would be as much personal as professional.
In the J.O.B., when stuff got tough, I could detach. I could tell myself that I was just following the rules (do what you’re told, be happy with what you have, work hard, play safe) and if that didn’t feel great, well, so what? Welcome to the real world.
I could easily blame whatever frustration, unhappiness and impotence I felt on the situation, and the fact that I was subject to the decisions of others.
Now, there’s nowhere to go but me
As an entrepreneur, I now create my path from minute to minute. And the choices I make reveal, on a daily basis, the ocean of beliefs, assumptions and behaviours within me – stuff that I had never really explored, let alone questioned, before I went out on my own.
For me, business is personal.
I guess it’s not that way for everyone but it is for a growing number of us who might be called creative entrepreneurs, artists of commerce, innerpreneurs or mindful business founders.
Inner work: awesome, but not much fun
I believe (for a bucket-load of reasons that I’ll probably talk about in more detail later) that giving attention and care to what’s going on inside – your thoughts, feelings, energy and physical state – is, to put it simply, awesome.
Awesome for you. Awesome for your business. Awesome for the world.
Unfortunately, it’s just about never easy, or fun. It usually involves dealing with something that’s stuck, and stuck for a good reason. Probably (at least in my experience) because the unsticking involves some pain, some loss, some uncertainty, some fear, some risk – yep, all of our favourite things.
I’ve found that this inner stuff can be so stuck, and the avoidance filters so effective, that I can’t even see it properly. All I see are the surface effects – things not working as they should (or how I’d like), or feeling out of balance / blocked.
Finding a way in
Fortunately, I know a Destuckification Pirate Queen, Havi Brooks. And one of the many very cool things she does is show us how to talk to our inner stuff.
Or perhaps, to describe it more as I’ve experienced it, how to join in on the inner conversations already underway.
Because they are already talking.
Who? You know, them. Your blocks and monsters and fears and critics. They’re all having their say so you can either try to ignore them (see avoidance filter above) or get chatty on their ass.
So now, I have conversations with them.
Like my recent chat with a mumbly old man
I was seriously jammed up about some work. It didn’t seem like a particularly tricky project, I’d already done most of the hard thinking, and yet I found myself doing just about anything (snacks, housework, TV) to avoid the actually sitting at my desk and writing part. My mind was jumping from one thing to another.
Recognising the symptoms, I realised it was time to talk.
This is where it gets a little kooky
The way I start the conversation most of the time (and everyone has different ways) is to be still, close my eyes, and go to my meadow.
The meadow has soft, not-too-long grass, and is surrounded by a scattering of trees that no doubt get more forest-y the further away from the meadow you go. I always enter the meadow from the same direction, and I know that if I continue walking down I’ll come to a stream. It’s usually a sunny but not-too-hot morning when I arrive.
I sit or lie down in the meadow and ask for whoever has something to say to come forward. That’s it.
And this is what happened…
At first, not much. Usually someone will just speak up, but all I could hear was wind through the tree-tops. Then I realised that it wasn’t rustling leaves, but voices, and a lot of them, swirling around and around the periphery of the meadow.
Finally, an old man stepped out. He was stooped and mumbling to himself – it was a constant but quiet mumbling that sounded like a lot of voices going at once. He seemed worried.
Me: Hi
Mumbly: There’s a lot to be done you know, no time for small talk.
Me: Actually, it’s not a really busy week. We’ve had time to take breaks and relax.
Mumbly: Exactly! Which means we must be behind on everything now!
Me: Uh, OK. Well, maybe it would help if we made a list of all this stuff we have to do?
I make a quick list of everything outstanding.
Me: OK, that’s a pretty big list, but a lot of these are just small follow-up things and there are others we can’t even start on right now. Really, the best thing we can do is finish this project I’m trying to work on right now… the thing is, your mumbling is really distracting and annoying.
Mumbly: Oomph, that hurts! Do you think because I’m old I can’t be helpful? That you don’t need me?
Uh oh, getting him upset isn’t going to help.
Me: Absolutely not. You’re on my team! I know the mumbling is you helping me remember what I need to do, but I have the list now thanks to you, and as soon as we finish this project I’m going to knock off a few of those quick tasks. It’ll be great.
Mumbly looks at me suspiciously
Eep! How can I keep him occupied and quiet? What about…
Me: While you’re waiting, why don’t I get you a nice cup of tea and plate of ANZAC biscuits*?
Mumbly: Yes!
*Extra chewy sweet biscuit popular Down Under.
Mumbly got to chew on his biscuits and I got to get on with my work.
Pacifying your disruptive internal task master with a plate of biscuits and a cup of tea? I warned you it was going to get a little kooky, but it works for me.
Joining the comment party?
Wonderful! As you might guess, this inner work can expose some tender spots. Let’s make this a safe space to share what we’re learning about our stuff (I’d love to hear if you have a mumbly old man). If that’s not your cup of tea, then this probably isn’t the party for you.
